Where Have All My Friends Gone?

When I was married, we had a social circle of friends which met often for movie nights, potlucks and spontaneous dance parties. One by one, many of the couples got married. And then like clockwork, they began popping out the babies.

My ex-husband and I remained childless during that time and we noticed a sudden steep decline in invitations for all night ragers. Instead, we started getting invites to a few one year old birthday parties where the kid sampled cake for the first time. I noticed that the dinners started around 5:00 pm.

Now that I am divorced and am in a new relationship, I have not only lost a lot of my previous friends, but I’ve noticed that I’ve been meeting many more women and couples that reflect where I am in my own life. The fact of the matter is that I have been unintentionally attracting other no kid people into my new social circle.

Most of the women are very intelligent, interesting and creative people who seem to be focusing on building their careers now. We’ve been having regular girls nights and laugh together over delicious potluck dinners.

The separate conversations I have are also interesting – and I will soon publish some of them too. We talk about how difficult it can sometime be to relate to other women who already have children.

Once I was sitting on the couch at someone’s house and I completely disappeared in the conversation as my two acquaintances went back and forth about the preschool choices available in the county.

Seriously.

I love playing with my friends’ kids and sometimes pretending to pour invisible tea into miniature cups, but I also miss being able to take my friend aside and have a deeper conversation with them, one which does not involve diapers or mysterious childhood allergens.

I miss being able to talk about anything without being interrupted by a small, whiny voice.

What I’ve noticed about my new group of friends is that we are unsure about the commitment to having children because we’ve found a certain degree of happiness in our relationships and in our workplaces. And many of us are thinking more critically about the level of responsibility and sacrifice involved.

So for the time being, I say that we have another glass of wine together and not have to take this kid thing so seriously. I’m really savoring the fact that I can call my friends up three days before an event and have a full gathering without having people scramble around finding a babysitter.

For now, it’s a pretty good life and it’s hard to accept that this may change too. In fact, some of my friends are actively trying to get pregnant. But we’ll cross that road when we get there.

How did you feel when your friends started having kids?

Jula Pereira

Jula Pereira

I am a freelance writer living the good life in beautiful Sonoma County with my partner and our dog Timmy. Please say hello on Twitter or connect with me on Facebook.

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