The Urge to Splurge and Procreate

Someone told me once that she always wanted a baby ever since she was young. She spent countless hours volunteering with kids and babysitting them.  When she finally had one, parenthood turned out to be one of the toughest things in the world. Reality was sinking in. She had to give up her late night dance parties for midnight breastfeeding fests. Nevertheless, she got what she wanted. And apparently her body always knew.

It’s really blown my mind when I hear women say that they’ve always had this biological urge to procreate. That’s really never been the case for me. In fact, it’s taken me a while to get used to being around babies. They poop, they pee, they cry. And sure they’re cute. But I always had imagined myself accidentally dropping one or letting its little underdeveloped neck flop around too much. That’s why it has taken me this long to even imagine myself as being a full on mother with all those care taking responsibilities and many sleepless nights.

Where does the biological it come from really and why do some women have it so strongly and others don’t? It’s not that I am a cold person – in fact I have good relationships with people. But having a relationship with a child is something completely different. Sure they are sweet, but they are a lot of work. And your biological urge doesn’t always accommodate for that small fact.

When I was in my twenties, I never even gave a thought about my body’s procreating abilities. I still felt like a kid myself and the thought of taking care of another human life form was utterly terrifying. I did have a lot of growing up to do. I found that I often cared a lot about what other people thought about me. I was less confident of my body and more prone to being hard on myself.

So the urge to procreate was never strong in me. It’s funny because isn’t that the most prime fertile stage of a woman’s life? I read in the Wall Street Journal that more American mothers are waiting to have children later in life. Does that mean that a lot of women are suppressing their natural biological clocks? Maybe there is just more confusion there overall.

Sorry, I don’t melt when I see a baby. I think that they are adorable at times.  But honestly, I have not felt that surge of emotion and a so-called physical draw to pinch their cheeks when I see them. Maybe my biological clock is broken, as I am almost thirty-five years old now. Or maybe someone has to reset my clock too. Because time keeps ticking away.

When did you get the biological urge? Or has it also never been strong in you?

Photo Credit: Tambako the Jaguar via Flickr

Jula Pereira

Jula Pereira

I am a freelance writer living the good life in beautiful Sonoma County with my partner and our dog Timmy. Please say hello on Twitter or connect with me on Facebook.

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2 Responses

  1. For a long time I thought something might be wrong with me. I’ve never ever felt any kind of urge to procreate. In fact, the thought of pregnancy and childbirth are the stuff of nightmares, and when I see babies, I feeling nothing beyond the thought that some of them are kind of cute, but that’s about it. Now, show me a puppy and I simply cannot resist the urge to cuddle that pup, and I want to take each puppy I see home with me! My heart just about bursts with longing to have that puppy as my own… but human babies leave me cold.

    After an altercation with friends (that have kids), I looked online to see if I was alone in my desire to never reproduce, and I was happy and relieved to find many Facebook groups, online communities, books, etc, all saying what I’ve been feeling my entire life. I’m not alone, there are many others out there that also feel the same! Now, just to have others accept us for our personal choice instead of judge us and smugly smile and say “You’ll change your mind”. I don’t judge those who’ve chosen to become parents, in fact, I respect them and their chosen path. It’s time they did the same.

    • Jula Jula says:

      Thanks for your comment, Yvette! It’s been great connecting with other childfree women and hearing their stories. Let me know if you would like to submit a testimonial.